Allergic to Happiness?
The relationships between my body and my emotional states are (understandably) inextricably intertwined and complex. But sometimes the cause and effect is so simple that I don't even really recognize it for a long time. When I first got contact lenses, I loved them, though they were difficult to put in and take out. A few months after that I started feeling really tired all of the time. I couldn't understand my exhaustion, I (being something of a hypochondriac) kept thinking I had some thyroid problem or some such. I would sleep a lot, but mostly it was just like I was tired all the time. In class I would yawn consistently. I would want to close my eyes. I would rub my eyes a lot.

Wait. My eyes?

And that's when I figured out that what was happening was that my contacts were drying my eyes out, which my brain was interpreting as he needs sleep. When I changed brands and started using eyedrops, no more sleepyhead. In fact, I sometimes still use eyedrops to wake up. So, it's kind of like method acting, except unintentional.

I'm discovering a similar relationship between depression and allergies to pollen-ish stuff. One symptom of depression for me is an acheyness in my face. That sounds weird, I know, but it is a pretty definite way in which I feel depressed. When I'm depressed, my eyelids feel heavy, I feel like I have huge weights on my lower lids, my face feels puffy. Part of the listlessness that can come from depression for me is how my whole face feels droopy--my whole body too, but I feel it more in my face. I get a sort of tunnell-vision when I'm depressed, too, and--strange as this may sound--it sort of feels like it comes from my face being unmovable to some degree.

All of these things are difficult to describe. Pehraps I can get better at describing it as time goes on.

The interesting thing for me is that I also feel a lot of this when I'm perfectly happy, but having some reaction to pollen. Springtime usually consists of some adjustment of my sinuses and such. Usually I do adjust, but for a while my face and body feel achey, my eyes feel heavy...many of the same things that I feel when I'm depressed. And the thing is, I think I sort of become depressed as a part of that. Not to a huge degree, but there it is. My face feels lazy, I feel lazy...and the connection between lethargy and depression is a close one for me as well.

What to do about it? Well, recognizing it helps, because I can think to myself, "Hmm...actually, I think I just need to take an allergy pill or exercise a bit (which seems to relieve the symptoms for a while no matter the cause)". But here's another thing--I think knowing this I might just try to do something like face exercises or something. This seems all-too-new-agey for me, but I think it might help. I think that one of the reasons that, say, laughing makes me happier might be because it mixes up my face a bit, gets me out of that lethargy somewhat that my brain associates with a droopy little face. Maybe smiling some might make me happier? Or, maybe even frowning some might!
Filed under:Health and Therapy